Compo, dunno written when, probably last month.
trying a new style of writing, informal and to you, evoking more personal feelings.
from first person to first person. direct.

hmm. this kind of writing is interesting,
though for year's ends im just gonna stick to how i always used to write.
from third person to third person. yeah.

TITLE : Sacrifice. (fyi IM NEVER GG WRITE th dunno what non fiction one
like "what do you think of school uniforms vs home clothes JUST GO AND DIE ALREADY)

Sacrificing yourself for someone else.
I never thought that it would be so painful, so tormenting.
It was like living in hell, except that i had created it and jumped into it myself.

How dumb, how foolish i was.
Hey, but you know what?
The most intense pain I had ever felt, was caused by you.

"Don't be foolish!"

Your voice rang out in the silence of my room as you snatched my penknife away from me.
I just sat there glassy-eyed while you angrily ranted away at me.

Hey, you knew that I wasn't really listening to you, right?
You knew I was just staring at my wrist, filled with scars,
aching to take that penknife and etch more, hurt more, suffer more.

Am I a sadist?
Again and again, you have persuaded me to stop cutting myself.
Over and over again, you have throw my penknife away.

It never worked.
I would always come to school with fresh scars while you would nag and scold me about it.

No, I'm not a sadist.
It's just that while i physically cut myself, somehow, in a strange way, my mental pain lessens.
It's as do I'm punishing myself for the wrong things i had done,
and i always feel much better after seeing the blood spill out of the wound.

"Enough!"

Your abrupt scream shook me out of my trance.
I looked up, only to see you putting the penknife to your wrist.
W-what? My mind was unable to comprehend the scene unfolding in front of me.

You, with your optimistic nature.
You, with a permanent smile etched on your face.
You, always encouraging me, consoling me, now..

..with a penknife?

Without thinking, I jumped up and lunged at you, trying to snatch the penknife away.

It was too late.

I felt as though all the air was sucked out of me, as if i would die.
Looking at the warm blood dripping off your hand,
i really wished i could die right there and then.

Hot, warm tears rolled down my cheeks for the very first time as i crumbled senselessly to the ground.
I buried my face in my hands.

What have I done?
Am I a monster?
I really hated myself then, for causing you misery, pain, and sadness.

A soft thud sounded in the air.
I looked up, expecting to see you punching the wall like you always do when you're frustrated.
Instead, I looked up only to see you lying on the ground. In a pool of blood.

Unmoving.

Immobile.

No..

I slowly crept up to you.
Holding my breathe, i tentatively put my fingers to your throat.
It was the very first time I had ever touched someone.

You felt so warm, so alive, so, so you, but your heart.

your heart .. is no longer beating.

Tears once again spilled out as i sat in shock,
and this time, it was uncontrollable.

Glancing at the penknife in front of me, I slowly, carefully,m put it to my wrist.

One.
Two.
Three.

More, each time deeper than the last.
Deeper than I had ever gone before.
The intense pain i thought would come never did.
All that came was relief, relief of finally attaining release.

As my vision started to blur, I crawled nearer to your lifeless body and cradled nearer to you.
The sun had just started rising, and it cast such a nice glow on the room.
The mild heat felt good as i nestled beside your already cold body.
The impending darkness washed over me and before, before i succumbed to it, i had to say this.

Hey Drake .. I love you.

-END-

weird lei! haiya just go back to normal style la.
btw mszhang was like, this is so difficult to mark i dunno how to mark this
you are the first to write like this KAIXIN !! make it easier for me to mark.

wth LOL.

yes i am narcissistic i love my compo.