unattainable.
that's th only word i can use to describe.

i hate it.

there's nothing i wouldnt forsake for him,
nothing i hold dearer to me than him.
isnt that a worth a laugh, a big joke.
someone who doesnt even know me is so important to me.

because when im sad, even if i see his laughter, hear his voice, see him,
its all i could do not prevent myself from laughing out and smiling with him.
when he cries, i feel like im being torn apart, i feel like crying together with him.
when he smiles, it's as though my whole world lights up.

i could spend th whole day happy just because he smiled.
i can spend th whole day doing nothing but listening to his songs and videos.
just looking at him, is enough, im content.

but, i hate it.

i hate th fact that i think about him everyday,
that everytime i see him i cant help but feel happy,
that i wish so much to see him,
that everything is nothing to me compared to him.

im going to be nothing more than a fan to him.
ever, ever, never more than just one of th millions of fans.
how can something so little matter so much.

even if i get to see him, to pass him letters, to give him presents,
even if i get to take photos with him, even if i get to shake his hand,
even if we talk to each other, he wont remember me.

he will never specially remember me.

i know all this.
i know all of this.

yet, i still treat him as th most important person in my life.
i cant think of a single thing more important to me than him.

isnt this ridiculous.
i hate th fact that i cant stop.