why must i be forced to go.
i dont want to go.
i want to shout, i want to scream,
i want to cry and slam everything now.

because i am someone like this.
stupid facade always holding on,
afraid to let even the slightest weakness slip.
so i smile.

im sick of all of this,
creating this image,
fake. false. breaking. inside.
why do i have to keep silent at this kind of time.

crying. weak, how weak.
i want to hug someone and cry, cry & cry,
can crying empty out all the pain,
forget everything. so, i hug my knees.

ashamed. i despise myself for.
i cant control it, its. just.
how. numb. feelings.

silence. tells. nothing.

confiding, im so afraid.
so afraid, of being judged.
acting out like im happy,
isnt that what im used to doing already.

why complains, then.
i should just continue on,
it doesnt matter.
even so, i hurt.

confiding.
since last time,
theres only one person who i told everything.
everything, even.
i don know how to ever talk to her again.
so far away, but i was the one who cut it,
wasnt it.

stupid. foolish, idiot.
tears. stained. black. red.
red.


is there a choice but to continue.
can i just stop. turn. swirl. fall.